The story centers on four not-so-young orphans: one raised by a curator at the Louvre (where an albino assassin lurks), another a refugee from Mexican 'libre' wrestling, the third a recent victim of snakes on her plane, and the fourth a 'normal' resident of a mutant 'X'-community. The hapless quartet visits a chocolate factory, where they stumble into an enchanted wardrobe that transports them to the land of Gnarnia (with a 'G'). There they meet a flamboyant pirate captain and earnest students of wizardry - and join forces with, among others, a wise-but-horny lion to defeat the evil White Bitch of Gnarnia.—Anonymous